*Trigger warning: rape*
In the past year, I've been to more burlesque shows than I can count. I look forward to them, sometimes months in advance. I've started going alone because it's hard to find someone who can afford the show and a meal beforehand, especially as often as I will go to them. In short: I'm a fan.
I think women are beautiful, but I don't enjoy burlesque merely because I get to see them mostly naked (the closest they get to naked is bikini bottoms and pasties).
I'm an older woman and also overweight. Society tells me that these things make me twice unattractive. But burlesque disagrees. I have seen shows with women who are decades apart, women who are of a variety of sizes, and even (on rare occasions) women who were not born female. They get just as much (or more) applause than skinny 20-something year old women with ample breasts. It's one thing to be told that men find women of different shapes to be attractive, but there's nothing quite like hearing people cheer as a woman of my size slowly removes her clothing. It has tremendously helped me to feel comfortable in my own skin and to accept that it is feasible someone would find me attractive too, no matter what society and the media have told me.
There was a show on September 9, 2013 that seriously dented my love of burlesque.
For roughly an hour, it was the typical barrage of women dancing to punk songs and happily and seductively removing their clothing. And I loved it.
A male and female act took the stage. I was excited not just at the idea of watching their interactions but also because there are not enough male dancers in burlesque (seriously, it's very sad). And when he got down to his briefs, I was thrilled. And then he simulated rape.
His character was a drug dealer, pulling packets of glitter from his briefs and giving them to the woman, who pretended to snort them, sending glitter everywhere. At one point, she grabbed the waistband of the briefs and looked inside for more glitter. He reached in, took out a packet and she pretended to snort it, then danced about the stage. He followed her and started to take off her shirt, clearly against her will. The crowd hooted their encouragement. I packed up my stuff and left.
I know it's an act. I know the woman on stage wasn't raped (at least not at this time) but consented to (and probably planned or helped plan) the choreography. But it matters.
Burlesque is meant to stimulate you. The dance moves are specifically chosen to arouse the audience. And we should not be aroused by the act of rape. Consent is sexy. Forcing someone into being with you against their will is pathetic, morally wrong, against the law, and trauma-inducing. This is true even if the person is too drugged out to be consciously aware of what you are doing.
There are people who will say that he deserved to get something in exchange for all the glitter he gave her. That's not true. It does not matter how much you time or money spend on someone. You have no right to expect or demand sexual favors in exchange.
I still love burlesque, and I still intend to go to shows. But I plan to start being more selective about the particular shows I will go to.
